Bron and Patrick - secret correspondence

You know how as parents you have to check on the internet activities of your children? Well, luckily we had a look at our PC one morning and found that overnight there had been some suspicious activity. Hacking into an email account, we found the following exchange between Bron(wen) the painting (not panting) spaniel from Penarth and Patrick.

A reminder of Bron:





Draw your own conclusions from this unedited exchange:


Hello you nice people.
My dad says he's tired and resting in front of the fire so he's told me I have to write to you cos I'm so clever.
I've been walking him lots on the beach and getting him to,work cos I do enjoy driving that big boat and seeing all the kids and other people.
My friend Precious keeps coming to stay but I don't feel wonderful cos she snores dead loud.
I've been painting again too. I got a white tail cos he made me help paint the cabin on our sleeping boat. Then he took me round the bay on it. It was very nice. He says we are taking Helen out on it soon. Bet she gets sea sick.
That big smelly red boat is going next week to Scotland..... Well that's what he keeps saying. I won't believe it until it's not there anymore. He also taught me how to clean something called a filter and get oil out of a gearbox on the little wobbly white boat too. I enjoyed that cos I reckon the oil is good for my coat but I do wish he'd take me for another hair cut. I'm getting warm now so I lie in any big puddles and smelly ditches that I can find. Dunno why he moans about me being smelly. I like smelly.
He's been reading to me about your adventures too. It sounds such fun having pressure washers to play with in big boatyards. I like boat yards. There's lots of interesting smells.
I need a sleep now and he wants this back so I will say night night.
Lots of love
Bronwen xxxxx


Hello Bron

I find that the humans are pretty feeble too. They insist on sleeping (and snoring) and then tell me that I cannot go on holiday with them as I would be something called "excess baggage". Apparently I have too much millet inside me.

I must admit that when I first saw you, I was frightened. You looked a little mad - lots of rushing about and waggling - which reminded me of how seals behave when they are chasing us and throwing us about in the water for fun. Then I realised that you were nice and friendly and that you liked dog meat not penguin meat (although I am not sure what is in dog meat). Just to be clear, I might look a little bit porky but there isn't much meat on me, and my millet is not good to eat, not to mention my fur.

I do miss seeing you on the smelly noisy red boat and running about on the pontoon. However, my guardians (not parents, they don't treat me like a favoured son as I cannot go on holiday with them) keep talking about coming back to Penarth next winter. Next winter - have they looked outside today!! This is clearly winter. Anyway, that means we can see each other again and deepen our relationship. So glad that Precious isn't your special friend as I want to become that. I do realise that a penguin / spaniel relationship is unusual but I am that kind of guy.

One question - you said "hello you nice people". Who is the other nice person then?

Hugs from Gosport (they took me here today, across a very choppy Solent as apparently the female guardian has to have a tooth filled next week)

Patrick

We clearly have to watch him more closely......