To Dunstaffnage or not to Dunstaffnage, that is the simple question they cannot or will not answer.......

Planning isn't something we have to do lots of now but when we need it, we can still remember what project management techniques we learned whilst at work. With the Welsh connection (aka "The Care Bears" or just Andrew and Linda) arriving on Monday, we thought that it would be ideal to be in Dunstaffnage to meet them. They were flying to Glasgow and could then get a train to Oban, a short taxi trip away. An extra bonus was that John, Irene and Archie (the achingly cute Lakeland terrier) were planning to be on their boat around that time and so we could catch up with them / cwtch Archie as well.

So, the crew called the Dunstaffnage Marina office to see if she could book us in for 3 nights. We knew it would be after the chaos of the West Highland Yacht race week and so should be fine. Of course, we forgot that this was also the administration and organisation shambles known as Dunstaffnage..... The reply was "oh no, we are far too busy, you will just have to radio us when you arrive and we will see". Er, the busiest marinas we know (Lymington for example on a sunny weekend in the summer, way bigger than Dunstaffange) manage to pre-book slots ages ahead and manage their berths and visitors well. Mind you, each time we have "booked a slot" in Dunstaffange before, the allocated berth was full so we should not be surprised

The day before we wanted to arrive in Oban, John and Irene arrived and Irene kindly tried visiting the office as a berthholder to find us a slot. No, even Archie's most pleading look didn't work - "ring after 10am tomorrow to see".  How could you resist this face?:

Yes, any planning that involves that place is impossible.

The next morning well into their opening hours the crew calls - no answer. Moderately irritated, she tries again. No answer. How do you run a business that doesn't even answer the phone these days? Later, miracle, there is a reply. The message was - yes there should be space, you might have to go on the breakwater. That was as concrete an answer as we were going to get so we headed off. A grey gloomy trip. It was enlivened by a nice square rigger sailing along the sound of Mull though:

Arriving in Dunstaffnage bay the crew used the phone to call them. Why? Well most marinas work on radio channel 80. Dunstaffnage uses 37 - kind of an old approach. Our two lovely professional quality Icom radios don't have 37 built in as no one in the USA seems to want it:

We have to use a handheld for 37 and that is always fun). Miracles do happen though - they answered and said "just find any space on the breakwater". See how they "manage" their berthing? We duly found a slot.

A civilised day seeing John, Irene and Archie followed. Very civilised. They even took us shopping by car to Oban so we would not starve our guests when they arrive on Monday.

Of course the Dunstaffange "organisation" continued to annoy. Firstly one of the marina trolleys ate our pound coin and would not give it back. Then we wanted to top up with fresh water. The new breakwater had new facilities pylon things and there were no hoses attached to the taps. We dug ours out and found that the screw thread on them was bigger than normal garden hose size which every place we have ever stayed in uses.

Indeed, there were some marina hoses with the standard screw fittings laying on the pontoon which the staff had obviously failed to connect too! Hum.

The captain walked to the office to ask them for a suitable adaptor. The nice lady from Orkney on the Beneteau trawler yacht that we keep bumping into was ahead of him complaining about the washing machines. The solution offered - she had to buy more tokens. The captain should have realised that this was a futile trip but having made the 5 minute walk, tried anyway.

After explaining the problem he was told that "no-one else had reported this (HUM, REALLY!) and that she would tell the marina manager". When asked about how that would help us fill up, the answer was "can you duct tape our hose to the tap? The lady then offered a small reel of insulating tape as the solution. The captain explained that insulating tape would not work and held up a reel of duct tape from the chandlery shelves in the office area to show what real duct tape looks like:

- Ah, but that will cost you £8

-Er, you want me to pay £8 (yes eight!!) for a roll of tape to fix your infrastructure problems??

-I have to charge for that tape, I think the big fittings are for superyachts (She clearly didn't think about how a superyacht could thread through the moorings in the bay to get there or how it would ever fill up with the feeble water pressure they have on site!!)

-OK, never mind, I will go and see what I can do myself, thanks SO much for your help

The irony was somehow lost on the foreign lady who was their front of house person that day.....

At the end of the brand new breakwater, someone had held a hose onto the big tap fitting with self amalgamating tape and lots of it. So, we couple up our two hoses to this one and it just reached the filler. Water trickled out and into the tank. Three hours later we had nearly 2/3 of a tank and noticed that the water had stopped - the self amalgamating tape had given way - no more water top up would be possible for anyone.

Oh, and we forgot to mention that the very slow WiFi packed up early in the morning and would not work afterwards.......

This place needs a serious sort out. Great location, reasonable facilities, torrid processes and customer handling. So so tempting to take on straightening it out as a winter job!