Patrick's love child

We thought that title might get your attention....

So, now you are engrossed, here is an email that Patrick received from Bronwen his spaniel friend:

Dear Patrick.

We may have a problem. I found this little chap in my bed this morning. He's very clever for one so young and is already demanding a sailing trip so we are off tomorrow for Milford haven. I like it there.

Dad says something about maintenance money for my extra food now he has another mouth to feed.

It was fun when we snuck away together that afternoon just before you left wasn't it and your guardians never even noticed.

Dad also says I can use this email account cos he can't get the other one to do pictures.

Don't get too cosy and cwtchy with that Linda one. You have responsibilities now

Xxxx

Bron

Ps we did the yacht club sailing thing yesterday. Dad has taught me how to clear a very fouled anchor. It looked terribly hard work so I had to have a lie down after.

What do you think our intrepid penguin did when he saw this? Well, initially he was overjoyed and excited. Then he seemed concerned and then downright worried. So worried in fact that he finally asked our opinion - a first on anything!!!

He was a little worried that some of the facts didn't tally......

Hi Bron (or should I say Steve???)

I am really worried now - I think that your dad has hacked into your email account and is sending me emails pretending to be you.

When I first read your mail I was so excited!! The thoughts of having a family and settling down with you, escaping from the guardians etc etc were just wonderful. Then I got worried. How did we make this baby? I didn't remember going shopping with you for him / her or getting a DIY baby kit complete with knitting needles etc. 

I thought it was time to confess to my guardians and ask them about the penguin / spaniel facts of life. What I learnt was very worrying though. Apparently making babies isn't a simple matter of using my pocket money in a shop. We have to do other things and for some reason a little young penguin like me isn't fertile yet. I have no idea what fertile means but it seems to stop us knitting a baby for some reason.

My first thought was, I am sorry to admit, that you were tricking me. Then I realised that you were too kind and nice to do that. Then I realised that in your (your Dad's??) email it mentioned that he wanted maintenance payments. It became clear. I looked up the Penguin Support Agency on the internet as I had heard about the Child Support Agency on the radio. When I did that, PSA sounded very nasty though, all to do with some disease. 

So, the answer is obvious. Your dad is trying to get me to send him my pocket money under false pretences. Please get a new email account soon and mail me from that so I know it is really you.....

Very upset and worried (loosing some fur over this despite Linda's cwtch therapy)

Patrick